Ways Students Get Stuck in the Process

Hannah Serota, M.Ed, CEP

Getting unstuck in the college search

Girl sitting at desk with hands on her head

Over the years, I’ve learned that there is one true constant in college admissions: teens will be teens. While they may look like young adults, the teenage brain is not fully developed. Decision-making, long-term planning, and self-understanding are still crystalizing during high school. Add a dose of stress and pressure into that mix, and your teen is bound to feel lost sometime during the college admission process. Here are some examples of ways teens get stuck and how you, as a parent, can help your teen get unstuck and on the road to college.


The Ostrich

When I first met Julia*, she had no idea what she wanted out of a college experience, what to look for or where to start. Despite being at the end of her junior year of high school, she had yet to take any steps to identify potential colleges. She had not even taken an SAT or ACT and only had a vague idea that she should probably take one of them sometime soon. Julia was clearly bright and capable and had a few academic subjects that she enjoyed. But she was overwhelmed and took the path of least resistance, which in this case was the path of nonaction. 


When students feel overwhelmed and shut down, I try to avoid dumping too much on them at one time. Julia needed some structure, an understanding of the admission timeline, and a plan. As parents, we don’t want to become the nag. Breaking everything down into small steps can help your teen take ownership over the process. I recommend setting up a family master calendar and adding all of your teen’s important college search deadlines and dates. Make sure to include all of the possible SAT and ACT dates in your area. Identify times when college visits could fit into your family’s busy schedule. Next, make time to talk with your teen about what we call “college fit factors.” What’s going to be important to her? How far from home will she venture? If you live near any colleges, consider visiting a couple of them just so that she can start to think about college features that she likes (and does not like). Pro Tip: I love interactive tools like
Corsava Cards that help students develop clarity around what’s important to them.


The Overachiever

Most of us can say with certainty that we were not as busy and scheduled in high school as our kids are today. I meet so many teens who have little or no downtime. How can we expect them to know what they want out of a college experience if they don’t have a moment to stop to reflect on that question? I find that when students have a bit of unstructured time without the pressure of needing to be productive, they can approach the college search with a better focus and understanding. Oh yeah, and sleep is important too! Teens who don’t get enough sleep are some of the most “stuck” in many different facets of their lives. 


The Ranking-Obsessed

Some students depend so heavily on rankings that they don’t stop to consider what’s really important to them. The problem with rankings is that they are driven by popularity rather than a full picture of the relative strengths of a college. Rankings also tell us nothing about college culture, academic requirements, and the type of student who thrives on that campus. Most importantly, rankings can never tell a student if a school is actually a good fit for them. 


Jordan*
was fixated on rankings. He wanted to study economics and could not get beyond the top ten lists he found online. By shifting his focus to include other factors that were important to him, and by discussing the type of college experience he hoped for, we slowly built a broader college list. Crucially, these schools fit his needs and priorities in areas beyond the economics major too. 


If your teen is overly focused on rankings, try getting them to identify five things about a college that are most important to them. Is it a particular major or program? Is a rural college town or a big city a better fit? Are there social aspects of college that are important, such as Greek life, athletics, or the size and culture of the student community? Once those “fit factors” are considered, visit college websites and see how each school stacks up. Digging deeper should help your teen to begin thinking beyond the rankings. 

The Undecided

This one is so common. So many teens seem to think that they need to be able to answer the questions: what do you want to major in? And even: what career do you want to pursue? Frankly, it’s ridiculous to expect a 17-year-old to have a life plan that they can stick to. My life has been a path with many curves and changes of direction. Aren’t most people’s? Even teens who “know” what they want to pursue often shift focus in college. And that’s OK. It's called being human. 


This mindset often leads to teens feeling stuck. If they don’t have a major picked out, they don’t know how to pick a college. I use tools like
YouScience to open up discussions about majors and the world of work. Then we shift gears to discuss other factors beyond academic majors that are important in the college experience. I also suggest that students talk with adults they know and ask if they are doing what they thought they’d be doing when they were 17 years old. They will learn quickly that a college major does not automatically translate to a career most of the time. 


The Perfectionist

Think about it. Deciding where to go to college is often the first big decision a teen will make. It involves a huge life transition - leaving home and settling into a new community with new people and new experiences. For many students, the pressure around making this decision and the fear of getting it “wrong” can paralyze them with indecision. Gentle and positive guidance around decision-making can help here. Like anything else in life, college will present young people with challenges, joys, disappointments, and growth opportunities. What we want is for teens to make “good” decisions, not “perfect” decisions. Talking about what college is (and is not) and helping teens set expectations are valuable exercises. Sometimes this means enlisting the help of a professional, like a psychologist, who can help a young person manage their fears and perfectionism.


The Procrastinator

Who doesn’t procrastinate at times? Some teens procrastinate to the point of missed opportunities. It’s not that they want to avoid everything; they just postpone until the last minute. Often, the desire for perfection leads teens to procrastinate on the most important tasks. The problem is that procrastination doesn’t mix well with college applications. Essays take time (at least the good ones do). Teachers need many weeks of advanced notice before any letter of recommendation is due. Applications should be submitted ahead of the deadline, not at the last minute. When students procrastinate, they can reach a point of overwhelm, which leads them to avoid the process altogether. When I work with teens, I set up tasks and due dates way ahead of deadlines. That way there’s a bit of wiggle room in case life gets in the way. Using technology for reminders can help too. I also recommend scheduling time each week that is devoted to college admission tasks, turning off all unnecessary electronic devices, and setting a timer for 20-minute chunks of focused work.


The Pushover

I see this all the time. The student is overwhelmed, and the parent takes over. 

But that’s a mistake! It’s your teen who is going off to college. We want to support our kids, not do everything for them. What message does it send about our confidence in their ability to succeed if we take over at the first sign of a struggle? I encourage parents to move into the role of administrative support and guidance rather than as a primary actor. 


Jessica*
was used to letting her mom do all the talking and taking charge of everything in her life. Rather than embrace the college search as her own, Jessica defaulted to letting her mom run the show. As a result, Jessica struggled with her college essays. She had not done much thinking or reflecting about who she was, what she wanted, and how she would contribute to a college community. As I worked with Jessica,  her mom backed off a bit, and slowly she began to speak for herself. It turns out that Jessica had some truly interesting and creative ideas about how to approach her college essays. It’s easy as parents to do everything for our kids. But we aren’t going to college with them, so we need to help them gradually take responsibility for their own lives. Even more importantly, we need to communicate a message of confidence in their choices and abilities.



Is your teen stuck in the college process? Does one (or more) of these roadblocks sound a little too familiar? We’d love to
hear from you about ways that you’ve supported your teen through the college admission process and if any of these suggestions have helped. And, of course, we are here with professional guidance if you need help getting your teen unstuck in the college search. 



*names changed to protect identities



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It’s been well over a year since colleges have been open to visitors. As more people are getting vaccinated for Covid-19, college admission offices are again looking forward to welcoming prospective students and their families to their campuses. College officials continue to be concerned about keeping their communities and prospective families safe. So before you take off for your campus visit, consider the suggestions below to ensure you make the most of your college visit. First things first A campus visit is a major component in the college search, allowing prospective students to get first-hand, up-close impressions of a college without relying on other sources such as peers, alumni, or social media. Do not worry if you cannot afford the time or money to visit a campus far from your home. Admissions officers understand that visiting campuses requires a substantial commitment of time and money that many students cannot afford. Check admission websites to figure out if campus visits are considered a form of “demonstrated interest” and may become a factor in the admission process for some students. When to visit The timing of your campus visit will depend on what is best for you and your family. Summer visits can be very effective. Admission officers and students tend to be more relaxed during the summer. You may find it more relaxing, especially if you have many academic and extracurricular obligations during the school year. Consider visiting colleges farther away from home during the summer. Your family can treat the visit as a mini-vacation by spending time in interesting nearby areas as part of the trip. And conversely, you can look and see what schools are near anywhere a vacation is planned. It will be easier to schedule visits closer to home on weekends or school breaks when you and your parents have less free time. Open house or special visit programs for large groups throughout the year can provide an equally excellent overview of academic and extracurricular options. Look on the admissions websites for specific schools you are interested in to find these programs, or Google "college open house programs" or something similar to see schools that have these programs. Before your visit Check the college or university website for times and requirements to attend tours and information sessions. Planning ahead allows the admission office to put its best foot forward to guarantee you have a good visit experience. In light of Covid-19 health precautions, many colleges will request that you pre-register before the visit or limit the number of family members who attend. Create a fairly leisurely itinerary. Avoid marathon road trips where your family is rushing off all over a region to catch an information session or tour at the next school. Although mask requirements may be relaxed in your hometown, colleges may ask you to wear a mask during your visit to campus. Bring a mask along, just in case. Check the website to make sure your academic statistics (scores, grades, GPA, courses) match the college’s admitted student profile. Does the college offer your potential major, extracurricular, and social activities? Is the size of the college a good fit for you? What is the surrounding town like? Are there local restaurants, movies, and shops nearby when you need a break from your studies? How accessible is the campus by car, plane, or train? Create a spreadsheet with statistical information about colleges that interest you. You can also create a column to record your impressions after the visit. If possible, make an appointment to speak with a faculty member, coach, music advisor, or other expert in a specialized area of interest. During your visit Take the lead in presenting yourself and asking questions. Review questions and concerns with your parents before arrival so that you and your concerns - not your parents’ - become the focus of the visit. Plan to spend extra time on campus beyond the official visit options. Usually, the group tour gives students insight into the college community, and the information session gives the official administrative view. Both views are important, but both are official representatives of the college. Drop into the snack bars and coffee shops. Find a popular spot on campus and observe student interactions. Chat casually with current students who are open to sharing their experiences. Do not base your opinion of the college on whether you like or are turned off by the tour guide. If you are far from home and getting back may be difficult, go ahead and schedule an interview at the same time, especially if the admission office highly recommends it. After your visit Compare notes with your parents while impressions are fresh. Discuss the general vibe of the community, the upkeep of facilities, new information you learned, etc. Record your general observations, pros and cons, and impressions on the spreadsheet with statistical information you prepared before the visit. Send a thank you note to your interviewer if you have an interview or an especially helpful tour guide. Continue to research by reviewing official resources published by the college or third-party websites, as well as social media and more subjective resources. If you cannot take advantage of a campus visit… Do not despair! There are plenty of ways for you to become more familiar with a college. Take advantage of online opportunities, like online chats, virtual tours, and information sessions. Arrange an interview with a local representative or alumni referred by the admission office. Attend local information sessions in your area sponsored by the college. Open your emails for admission and campus updates as you continue to scour the website for details about academic and extracurricular information. Reach out to the regional admission officer responsible for your area when you have questions or concerns about the college admission process. Or ask the admission office to match you with a current student who grew up in your area. It may be helpful to ask questions of a peer who knows your hometown and can address similar concerns. Final thoughts A campus visit is just one of many ways to get a sense of whether a college is a right match and fit for you. It is very reliable because you have first-hand experience that you can evaluate for yourself. Access as many options as you can to fairly assess a college community and its academics. Avoid relying heavily on social media and public perception, which may be skewed and not the most reliable source. Remember that public perception of a college or university is usually 20 years behind current facts. Most importantly, keep an open mind and enjoy the ride! ~Sheila Sheila Baisden is a Senior Educational Consultant with Creative College Connections in Leesburg, VA. Sheila has 35 years of experience in college admissions consulting, including holding the Director of Admissions position at Swarthmore College and Associate Director of Admissions at Rice University. In addition, she has served as director of college advising at independent schools in Delaware, Georgia, and Houston.
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