The BIG C's: character, collaboration, and curiosity are now in vogue
Here are some examples of ways teens get stuck and how you, as a parent, can help your teen get unstuck and on the road to college.
10 Tips for Parents: Your teen is off to college!
Advice from educational consultants... admissions college coaches who have seen it all before
You are excited. Your teen is excited. The long college admissions process has ended, your child has selected a college to attend, and now you and your graduating high school senior are busy getting ready for this new and exciting life-chapter. Here are some tips on this transition from my many years of experience both as an educational consultant and as a mom who has experienced sending a child off to college.
1. Excuse me. How old are you?
I remember very well the summer before my son went off to college. He did a bunch of dumb things. Nothing serious, but wow was he annoying with his cluelessness at times. He went from responsible and reasonable to immature, defensive, and argumentative - it made me nervous to say the least!
But then I reminded myself this is a normal developmental stage. College-bound 18-year-olds go through this confusing transition. On the outside they look like young adults. On the inside they are nervous about the major life change that is about to occur, and they regress. So don’t be surprised if your 18-year-old starts acting like a 10-year-old this summer. Sometimes they act out, push limits, and become unusually disrespectful.
Understand that the behavior is coming from a place of fear and insecurity. They need to pull away in order to face the separation that is about to happen. If this doesn’t happen to you the summer before their first year in college consider yourself lucky. This is the norm.
2. Sign that FERPA!
Did you know that once your child is in college you are not entitled to ANY communication about their wellbeing. Not grades. Not disciplinary issues. Not even financial issues, or health concerns.
Nothing!
Your teen is considered an adult (ha, ha). You may pay the bills and that’s it.
Meet FERPA (Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act). With all the paperwork your child will receive the summer before starting college don’t overlook the FERPA waiver. Make sure your child signs this one and names you as someone entitled to their grades and other pertinent information.
3. Medical power of attorney - insurance you need
This is important! If your child has a serious medical condition you need to have a medical power of attorney in order to make important decisions about their health and welfare. You will need an attorney to help with this legal document. We always believe the unthinkable will never happen. Usually it doesn’t. Hopefully your child will skate through college happy and healthy. But protect yourself, just in case, it will give you a calm feeling and peace of mind.
4. Sad songs, long drives, and plenty of tissues
I love music. But, about two weeks before driving my son to college, I had to avoid much of it. One lyric about departing or one haunting minor key, and tears began flowing. It’s OK. This will pass. As parents, sending our children off to college is a big life transition for us too. Spontaneous crying should be expected. Just don’t forget to pack tissues. You may need them, especially on the way home.
5. Be ready for good days and bad days
The buildup to college is exciting. Your teen will no doubt set high expectations for their first transition into adulthood. And they should, since the college experience at a best-fit college can be amazing. But nothing is perfect. Not even your dream college. Life is life and we all have good days and bad days…no matter where we are. Help your teen set realistic expectations. College can sometimes be lonely until you find your people.
Help your child make a plan to get involved. Campus clubs are a great way to kickstart their social life around common interests. Academics will be different too. Even if they achieved high academic success in high school, it may not translate to college. Help set their expectations that it’s ok to ease into college life. It may take time to learn how to be a successful college student. Talk with your child about the importance of patience through times of transition. Normalize the ups and downs of this thing called Life.
6. Listening instead of Fixing
We are a generation of parents who are “fixers.” Throw a problem at us and we’ll figure it out, especially if it involves our children. We’ve been solving problems and protecting our kids for 18 years. Now it is time to help our children become adults, to learn how to solve their own problems. Unless it’s a serious health or safety risk, let them experience disappointment or even fail. Catch yourself when your college student calls to ask for advice, doesn’t know what to do, or has a problem to solve. Listen. Reflect back. Ask them how they think they can solve it. Help them develop a plan rather than telling them what to do. Support your teen in becoming an adult by listening rather than fixing everything.
7. Your child's first head cold
I hated being sick at college. I still remember those times. All I wanted was my mom to take care of me. But I survived. We all did. And your child will too. Before leaving for college, talk about how to manage illness. Make sure they have the medicines that are common in your home and that they know how and when to use them. Also make sure that they know when to seek medical care.
8. Communication
How often did you talk to your parents when you were in college? This may be dating me, but we had a shared corded phone in our room that we rented from the college and long distance calls were expensive. I made short calls home once each week. That’s it. Of course, now I speak with my college son more often. But I try to limit it for his benefit. Weekly or biweekly calls should be sufficient.
Of course they will want to call you with great news: a great grade on a first test or being cast in a college play. But as hard as it is, we need to support our kids in developing independent lives. Constant communication slows down this process. And, if your child calls all the time, it may be an indication that they are struggling socially. Ask about friends and encourage your child to find a group of like-minded people to join.
9. Homesickness
Ah, missing home. It will happen. Stay strong. Your child may crave homecooked meals, miss their friends, or even miss you. This is all a normal part of life transition to a new place. Encourage them to hang in there, that the feeling will pass, and to be patient with themselves and their new surroundings.
10. Skills to practice this summer
In case your teen is not proficient in these areas, it’s important to have these basic skills before heading off to college:
- Doing laundry (including treating stains and separating colors)
- Managing finances. Avoiding extra ATM charges. Keeping a simple budget.
- Setting an alarm and waking up on their own
- Cleaning a bathroom (if they have a shared bathroom with a roommate, chances are that they will be responsible for keeping it clean)
- Taking prescription medicine on a regular schedule without verbal reminders
- Reading emails. College professors will communicate this way.
This summer and the coming fall will be full of newness for you both. We at Creative College Connections wish you and your teen all the BEST as you both enter the beginning chapter of the college years.
-Hannah